Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
