trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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