coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
