Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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