i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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