Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize