you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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