So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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