No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
