I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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