Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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