at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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