I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize