Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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