Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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