I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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