Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
