Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I would ride that face into the sunset
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
