Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
