First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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