Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
