So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
