went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Semen is not good for contacts.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
