how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
