i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize