i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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