I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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