You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
