i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
