i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
