Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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