I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
