I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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