can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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