Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
