I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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