She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
