you didnt know i had herpes?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
