I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize