Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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