I'm going to jail i love you
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
