I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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