I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
