is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
