Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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