you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
