matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
