i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
