to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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