I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
