if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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