My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
