I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We were destined to go to rehab together
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
