so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
