just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
