i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
