I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
