I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
