I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
