College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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