Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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