apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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