is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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