Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize
