i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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