Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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