i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
