The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize