I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
