When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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