How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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