I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
