That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i was born a porn star she said
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
