I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
