I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The air was thick with penises
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
