she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
