At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
did i just pee glitter
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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