Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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