so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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