I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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