she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
