now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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