I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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