last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
