There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Enjoy the penises
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
