I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
