Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
