Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
