I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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