Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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