I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
