that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
