Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
