So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
i think im in europe. pls send help
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
