This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
